Speaker 1: 0:01

Sometimes you don't know what you need until it finds you. Stagnation and unresolved frustration leads to a well a lower happy factor. There was a particularly low time in my career when I didn't know how to find happiness. It was a pivotal point, professionally and personally, and I had forgotten how to lean into support from others. Learning to trust me helped me see possibilities for where to go next. After a decade, I realized that maybe HR wasn't going to be a long-term career for me. That's the short story. Hi, I'm Becky Fraser, an award-winning coach, author and entrepreneur. I'm also a leader shaped by decades of experience inviting others on a journey towards adaptable leadership and fulfilled potential. Welcome to Short Story Long.

Speaker 1: 0:50

In this podcast, I share stories of inflection points in my life that changed who I am, what I do and how I do it. Being unhappy at work can have a ripple effect into other areas of your life. Work can have a ripple effect into other areas of your life. Late in my HR career, I'd spun myself into a professional hot mess and needed to recognize opportunity when it knocked. Helen Keller once said when one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. Not everyone needs to go through the door leading to another continent, and with meaningful but manageable hurdles. I wouldn't be me if I found an easy door to step through. Earlier I told you the short story and this is the long version.

Speaker 1: 1:40

After a couple of years of low-level job dissatisfaction, I have to say I'd about had it. I was performing the role the company needed me to do. I was also working beyond that, doing the work I wanted to do. At one point it wasn't possible anymore and I was starting to fall apart. I knew my door of happiness was closing and I was staring at the closing door and struggled to see anything else. Feeling unhappy in the role but safe versus stepping out to explore what else was possible was an obvious step and I lacked the will to do it. It was that inflection point. Do I fight the stagnation and tough it out, or do I open the door to a whole new kind of opportunity? A new opportunity certainly did come to light. Like I said, I'd been stressed out for more than a decade. I'd been in a variety of HR roles. I'd pushed myself beyond what others expected of me, but now I'd trained people how to treat me and I was really struggling to find a way to get out of that.

Speaker 1: 2:52

On one of my many journeys to go grab lunch at Taco Bell and go back to the office, I was bending the ear of one of my colleagues complaining and whining and really upset, and at one point I just pulled off to the side in that parking lot and turned off the key, left it in the ignition and just kept on talking. Ultimately she said hey, Becky, you just don't seem happy. Would you ever consider other alternatives? I said yeah, you know what, if you hear of something, you just let me know. She said all right, so we let go of that conversation and hung up. And I turn my key in the ignition of my car and all of a sudden I hear click, click, click, click, click, click.

Speaker 1: 3:41

I'd been sitting in that parking lot for so long that I had drained my battery. Click, click. I'd been sitting in that parking lot for so long that I had drained my battery and even though I was parked right across the street from a dealership that could have helped me very quickly, my instant reaction was to call my husband, who was working probably about 45 minutes away and said I need you to come help me. I need you to help me get my battery started and I need to get home. I'm on my way. As he showed up, it was really clear that he understood that it wasn't just my car battery that had been drained and that I was really showing signs of stress. He came in, he started wiring everything up get that battery, get back up. And then he came over and knelt next to my car and just wrapped his arms around me as I sat in that seat. He needed to charge up my battery in that moment as well. No-transcript.

Speaker 1: 4:44

It turns out my colleague did come back to me and shared an opportunity where I could spend up to six months in Argentina covering the maternity leave of another colleague of ours. I was interested in it and wanted to speak to my husband about it, so we kind of parsed it out. We really figured out what would be the opportunity, what would be the risks. How do we evaluate this? One of the key things was that, of course, he wasn't going to be quitting his job, and so it would mean six months apart for us we, when we had dated, as you know from our episode, when we talked about how we met. We lived long distance for that first year that we were together and we looked at each other and said we've done this before. What could possibly go wrong? There's no issue with that.

Speaker 1: 5:36

Another drawback for me, or challenge, was that I wasn't fluent in Spanish. I'd taken about a trimester of Spanish and had some capability but certainly not fluent to live on my own. With additional discussions with the leaders who were making the hiring decision, I actually learned that speaking fluent Spanish was maybe nice, but not critical. Most of the business meetings were in English and really it shouldn't be an issue. Okay, check. I'd also never really lived in a truly what I might call big city kind of environment. I'd been more of a suburban and rural girl, and this was really my first time in doing that. In fairness, though, as we looked at that, I recognized I've navigated in big cities quite a bit and I know how to keep myself safe. I knew how to keep my awareness up. I felt confident that, as long as I was tuned into that, that I would be able to adapt and overall we made the decision that we could adapt to all of this and we could be ready to make that big change if that's something that the company decided to do and again it comes back to that inflection point Do I stay with this door and stagnate, or willingly open the door to work in Argentina for six months? If they offer it to me, it won't come as a surprise to you. They did offer me the role, otherwise I wouldn't be here talking to you about it. It won't come as a surprise to you. They did offer me the role, otherwise I wouldn't be here talking to you about it. And I did decide to flip my script, open the door and figure out how to navigate this new adventure. So now to get ready.

Speaker 1: 7:17

This part was about the planning, the logistics, getting ready for that new experience and knowing what tools I really needed to have this. This I can do. We got me fingerprinted for visas. I bought space bags to pack half my wardrobe. Flights get scheduled, hotels get booked, check, check, check all on the to-do list. All of these things I had support for and I was able to find people to help me get through that and I was ready. It's time to board the plane. Let's get ready, let's go.

Speaker 1: 7:50

One thing that really surprised me is that, as we arrived at the airport, I experienced a significant emotional loss of confidence right before leaving. I had prepared for all of the tactical things, but clearly had not prepared for the emotional things. Here's this moment. Yep, there. I am. Just like dad. You might remember in a previous episode, when I went to university, that my dad hadn't prepared emotionally for dropping me off and in this case I hadn't prepared for taking off. I hadn't created that vision for saying goodbye. Suddenly, I'm looking at my husband going is this crazy? Is this a bad idea? Did I make the wrong choice? He looked at me with horror and said you asked me that right now. I looked at him and I said right, right, right. Yep, you're right, we made all these plans, we figured this out, we've evaluated this, and I very consciously pulled myself together and walked through security. There may have been a few tears in my eyes as I turned and waved at him from the other side of that process. My husband was not prepared for this unexpected version of his wife to surface and, in fairness, he didn't deserve her either and I did end up calling him from the next airport to say I don't really know what just happened to your wife back there, but she's back. She's ready, she's confident and she's ready to go. Ultimately the plan did come together.

Speaker 1: 9:37

That whole safety thing of me being in the larger city I found I was able to navigate that city life and actually found I loved it. There were a couple of moments where I could see I was a potential target. There was even a time where a woman I was walking next to down the street was pickpocketed as we were walking through. I did even end up leaving with all of the worldly things that I had brought, in addition to all of the experiences that I'd had while I was in Argentina, all of the experiences that I'd had while I was in Argentina.

Speaker 1: 10:08

The ability to speak Spanish turns out that was maybe a little bit of a bigger hurdle than what I had expected when I had arrived. I was able to create connection with some of the non-English speakers, like my building porter, who was not impressed with my poor language skills when I arrived and yet we were able to connect and have a great conversation as I left. There was also the woman at the laundry who, when once we kind of thought that maybe my laundry got lost, we were able to find our way through that and communicate through it so that even the next day I walked home with my laundry. It was less successful bonding with the grocery clerks. We never quite did find that bond In the office. Many of the meetings were in English, but not all, and so sometimes I needed a friend to be there to help me understand what the conversation was that was happening within that meeting. We did what we could to get by in terms of that language barrier. I learned more and they helped me out, speaking of that support and that system of getting through the process when I didn't know how to navigate it.

Speaker 1: 11:24

Where, many years prior, I had been the voice of home for some of the expat travelers, I was now the expat seeking that connection to home. My husband arrived for a couple of visits that were a little bit more extended. Others, like my sister and a friend, stayed with me at separate times. I also made some friends in country and spent some time with them. One standout person was my mother-in-law, who struggled with tech, absolutely hated to be on camera, but she faced it so that we could connect while I was gone. For that period of time we had been close from the moment we had met. She wasn't letting go of me for six months. I loved and appreciated them for that effort and recognized the value of having that support, even on the days that I didn't need it, but I loved it anyway. I opened the door and walked through to that new adventure.

Speaker 1: 12:23

But so what Now? What Later in my life? Now, as I reflect back onto that moment, there are a couple of major lessons that I really feel that I learned. One was about the independence and the resilience that was required for me to navigate through that space. I was in unfamiliar environments, building new cross-cultural relationships, and I needed to figure out when to stand my ground versus flexing and adapting In that space. It was really about relationships and responding to what each of the different individuals really needed and understanding that on a very visceral kind of level. It wasn't about pushing toward a particular objective. It was really about finding the best path toward that without really just driving toward it, and I learned to listen and appreciate more about what people's needs were rather than just trying to check the box and get things done.

Speaker 1: 13:36

All of those things also helped me recognize and appreciate how much people were supporting me With some of those language things and some of those opportunities for me to really rely on other people. I learned how to ask for help when I needed it. I would have survived without my support system, but not nearly as well. Frankly, it was a little messy even with them there. Like I say, my colleagues helped me out. Some of those in-country friends helped me out. My husband was a rock during hard times and a really strong partner to celebrate my successes. My friends and family were there too, and it was clear that I could choose to be supported and stop cringing at that idea of asking for help. Just open up my heart and let those people in and they would find a way to support me in that same way that I was looking at my colleagues and trying to understand what support they needed.

Speaker 1: 14:41

The experience also opened up my eyes to see that a chosen career doesn't have to be for a lifetime. It was highlighting to me that HR may no longer be the right fit for me. I still value what I learned during all of those years, but the season was starting to end. Maybe there's a possibility of closing that door, though I didn't really know where it would open to next. Not everyone needs to leave the country for six months to gain perspective about self and career. Leave it to me to find the door to the greatest leap in order to find those changes.

Speaker 1: 15:20

What I truly learned was that dissatisfaction is an indicator. When you know what is important to you at your core, embrace the change boldly, cherish your support network fiercely, listen intently to your inner voice and never underestimate where these principles might lead you next. Maybe you've had a Taco Bell moment and struggled to choose the right door. In my coaching practice, I encourage my clients to identify core values or priorities separate from current circumstances. A gap analysis between what they value versus what they have gives clarity and direction to what they might pursue next. I didn't have that insight until later, when I started looking beyond HR to satisfy my professional needs. I discovered a whole new door, but that is another story. Thank you for listening to my story. My hope is that you will get insights for leading as you. If you know someone who would benefit from this episode, be sure to share it. Interested in connecting with me on LinkedIn? Drop me a note telling me where you found me. The link will be in the show notes. Okay, bye.