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In my last episode I spoke with Anthony about starting his own video and motion graphics editing business. One key point he made was the importance of showing kindness to people all the time. It had me thinking about my own experiences. In one of my HR roles I had an intern working under me. I thought we had a reasonable working relationship, though one day she was clearly upset with me. I can't recall the harm she believed I'd caused. What I do remember is how her reaction seemed disproportionate to the situation. She resorted to calling me names and saying something cutting about my clothing choices. Okay, the wardrobe comments were almost laughable. Clothing takes up little of my brain power. Public decency and staying warm are my only priorities. Anything beyond is either reactive or truly directed by helpful friends. But the name calling that stood out to me Unprofessional, rude and unacceptable. I was stunned into silence a rarity for me. In fairness, chastising her might not have been wise. Anyway, she did do a dramatic pirouette and flounced off before I even responded. So little opportunity as well. Hi, I'm Becky. Welcome to Short Story Long.

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In this podcast, we discuss ways you can integrate who you are into how you lead. Today, I am offering strategies for building your skills as a leader. Let's break down how leading with kindness contributes to stronger relationships and cultivates accountability contributes to stronger relationships and cultivates accountability. Why does this memory still stand out? It's not because I wasn't used to critiques. There were plenty of people in that organization who didn't like me or the work I did in HR. They may not have liked my wardrobe too much either. I was accustomed to being undervalued and dealing with pushback. It stood out to me because it reminded me of a mean girl tactic, and while I wasn't a particularly easy target for it, it sure was delivered effectively.

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Let me be clear here this behavior isn't exclusive to women. Men and women alike can be petty, cruel and prone to name-calling. This tactic works because it creates shock and awe, it shuts down communication and throws people off balance, but it's not sustainable. Over time, people build up resistance, the same tired behavior loses its edge and instigators need to escalate. There's a limit to how far that can go before people start ignoring or circumventing that person entirely. You might be thinking, becky, I don't call people names, but how sure are you that your tone and words don't leave others feeling judged, belittled or dismissed? How often might they feel you see them as incompetent or untrustworthy as a leader. It's hopefully not a feeling you want to create.

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To answer those questions, let's examine how much kindness we bring to our work relationships. And let me be clear kindness is not a weakness. It takes real effort when you're stressed, frustrated or working under tight deadlines. For those who haven't built the habit, it requires intentional practice to get the wheel turning. Kindness can be easy to skip, but it's essential.

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Kindness is acknowledging the person in front of you. You can start conversations with a simple greeting Recognize that they're human and have value, saying hi, I appreciate you. Taking the time to discuss this today is easy and worth the time spent. Oh, and bonus points for using their name. Jumping straight to your needs without context or confirmation leaves people feeling unseen. One of the things that Anthony really talked about was this need to just connect with people, and in order to connect with people, you have to have them feeling seen.

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Kindness is also helping someone discover answers, not dictating or prescribing your way of doing it. If a colleague is seeking help, ask what they've already tried and where they feel stuck. The collaborative approach builds problem-solving skills and trust between the two of you. Dictating every step implies they're clueless and waste time for both of you. They aren't you, so your way may not be the best for them.

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Kindness is also not doing the work for others. It's not smoothing out every obstacle to spare them the growth that comes from problem solving. When I work with my clients, one of the things that they talk about all of the time is it would just be easier if I did it. It might be easier, but is it kind? Is it helpful? Does it stretch their growth? The final thing that kindness is not their growth. The final thing that kindness is not right.

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Kindness is never about name calling, implicitly or explicitly. So be thoughtful about how your words land with people, because it matters. Strive for your colleagues to leave interactions with you feeling at least as confident as when they approached you, ideally more so. You want them feeling capable and empowered, not deflated. Judgment carries a high cost. Constructive feedback is necessary, but kindness is free. Look for the moments to be kind and watch how trust and collaboration grow. Thanks for listening. If you found this episode helpful, share it with someone who could benefit from it. Until next time, I'm Becky Fraser, reminding you to integrate who you are with how you lead. Okay, bye.