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In my last episode I spoke with John Nero about when he made the decision to come out to his parents. That's a big conversation that takes intention, timing and courage. These heart-pounding, palm-sweating conversations, when you're about to share something deeply personal, are easy to find reasons to avoid. They usually feel like it's going to change everything and our screaming brains warm us. It's not in the dream direction. Your whole being tries to protect you from the risk it perceives. Let's be honest whether you're coming out revealing a major life change or sharing something that's been weighing on you, these conversations are tough, but they don't have to break you. Hi, I'm Becky. Welcome to Short Story Long.

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In this podcast, we discuss ways you can integrate who you are into how you lead. Today, I am offering strategies for building your skills as a leader. Let's break down how to prepare for brave conversations. Let's break down how to prepare for brave conversations. As scary as you think the conversation will be, you can still plan and contingency plan to make it doable. The other person owns their reaction good, bad or indifferent. Though we often try, we can't control their reaction.

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Planning, contingency planning that's familiar territory for you right Now. It's time to apply it to communication. The first plan is for you. How do you prepare yourself mentally and emotionally? Take a deep, cleansing breath. Seriously, your body and your brain will thank you. Your emotions are valid, but they don't get to drive the bus. If one breath doesn't do it, hey, here's an idea take another, Remember how it felt to take that deep breath, lock that feeling into your mind and then, during the discussion, you may need to access that memory and access that feeling. What about when you're planning for the words?

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Depending on the conversation, I recommend you consider what's the core message you want to communicate, especially with those deeply personal reveals. You can start with the core message and then share additional information as appropriate. And let's talk about that little word called appropriate for a minute. Just because the other person wants to know doesn't mean you are obligated to share. You still have every right to keep things to yourself as you choose what to say. When people start asking questions, when you aren't ready, willing or able to answer, you might consider saying I'm not really ready to talk about that. If it's completely inappropriate as a question, you might go for it and say I'm shocked and maybe a little offended that you would even ask that we aren't going there, you are also owning how bold of a line you choose to take.

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Preparing for a vulnerable conversation isn't just about what you'll say. It's about how you'll show up. Take time to check in with yourself. What are you afraid of? What are you hopeful for? What are the bottom line needs that you have? In that conversation?

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And by the end of it, john's story of coming out at 28 wasn't a spontaneous moment. It was years of internal work, understanding his own worth and readiness. Then he chose to share. It was not easy. It was not smooth sailing. Still there was resolution.

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When you initiate the conversation, you will want to communicate your boundaries. This is huge and may be saying something like I want to share something important with you. I'm asking for your listening, not an immediate response. This isn't easy for me, so I'll tell you when I'm done sharing and then we can discuss. This would have been really important in John's planning because, if you'll recall from that episode, he wasn't really expecting everyone to be all joyful and celebratory about his big news, and so he had to anticipate that his parents weren't going to give him the response that he wanted. He had to make sure that he made clear what his minimum expectations were from his parents.

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If you've established those boundaries and the other person or if it's more than one person, your audience is not really respecting those boundaries. It is fair and reasonable to terminate the discussion at that point in time If they are not willing to give you the respect of honoring those boundaries, especially if you've given them feedback and said hey, I asked you to wait until I was able to share all of this. I need to get this out before I can respond to any questions. Maybe they acknowledge that and they're fine with it and you continue the conversation. More power to you. Then you can continue having that conversation. If they continue to cross your boundaries and not hold with the agreement that you asked them to hold at the beginning of that conversation, it is perfectly reasonable to step back from that conversation, recognize that that is their reaction and then you're able to choose where you take that relationship and what you choose to share with that person going forward.

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Setting boundaries isn't about building walls. It's about creating a respectful space for true conversation. You can add some additional expectations, like I might need breaks during this conversation. You may even share how you want to signal a needed break when we're upset. Words sometimes don't work. You might also say I'm sharing this because I trust you and value our relationship. This helps your listener understand they are very important important enough for you to do a hard thing.

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These conversations feel challenging because we feel vulnerable. One of my leaders from a long time ago shared with me she was feeling like she was out on a limb and someone was below with a chainsaw Wow, that resonated. With a chainsaw Wow that resonated. That scary image has stayed with me because I don't want to feel that and I don't want anyone to feel that around me. You can ask someone to put that proverbial chainsaw down. Then let them. If they don't, you can choose how you go forward. You can choose how you go forward. That vulnerability isn't a weakness, it's a strength. You're choosing courage over comfort. That's leadership and that's growth.

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When John shared his story of coming out, he wasn't just sharing his sexual orientation. He was showing incredible personal power. It was about choosing himself. Even when it was terrifying, he set ground rules with his parents, maintained love and created space for understanding. That kind of compassionate listening goes both ways. If you're sharing, be ready to hear different reactions. If you're listening, create that space for the other person to share.

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Ask questions from a place of caring, not from interrogation. Listening isn't just about hearing the words, it's about hearing the heart behind them. Hold yourself accountable to your own ground rules. If you need air or space in the conversation, you can ask things like how are you feeling right now? What do you need from me, or I'm here? Tell me a little bit more about what you need me to understand. Emotional management is important here. Notice I didn't say control, I said management. Feel your feelings, but don't let them control the conversation. Ending with caring and kindness is important, even if the conversation is messy.

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One last thought plan for a support system. You may have the conversation alone. That doesn't mean you have to process your thoughts and feelings afterward by yourself. Maybe it's a friend, therapist or coach, you know. If journaling works, that's fantastic, but knowing who you will call if you need a human is also comforting. You don't get bonus points for going through hard conversations alone. Brave conversations aren't about being perfect. They're about being and sharing who you are. They're not about getting it right. They're about showing up the way you choose. You are stronger than you know. Your story matters and your truth is valid. Also, I offer a challenge, if you choose to accept it. This week, have one conversation you've been avoiding. Start small, you've got this. Consider letting me know how it goes and how you feel afterward. I'd love to hear your updates. Thanks for listening. If you found this episode helpful, share it with someone who could benefit from it. Until next time, I'm Becky Fraser, reminding you to integrate who you are with how you lead. Okay, bye.