In last week's episode with Toby Adamson, she shared how she pivoted to live life in alignment with who she chose to be. Today, I'm digging deeper into how you can be true to yourself. In my conversation with Toby, she said I was living a life that was expected of me, not the life I wanted to create for myself. Take that in for a second. Are you walking a similar path to hers? Checking boxes, living by someone else's blueprint, selecting from the menu instead of choosing what you want? Doing the quote right things, but, deep down, knowing something just doesn't feel right right? Hi, I'm Becky. Welcome to Short Story Long. In this podcast, we discuss ways you can integrate who you are into how you lead. Today, I'm offering strategies for building your skills as a leader. Let's break down how reconciling who you truly are with what you do leads to greater impact.

Toby went through it Divorce, job loss, the kind of life unraveling that would leave many feeling stuck. But she didn't stay there, she didn't just rebuild, she evolved. It wasn't easy and while she can laugh about some things now, it wasn't a straight line. Creating this kind of change means you have to take off the blinders. You need to face the things that are holding you back. It's finding the ability to know yourself, really know yourself, and navigate the world from that place of awareness. For Toby, one of the turning points came during her coach training. She shared this moment when someone reacted harshly to something she said. She shared this moment when someone reacted harshly to something she said In the past. She might have taken it personally, gotten defensive and shut down, but instead she paused and she thought they're not doing this to me. They're doing this because of something happening in their own life. She took that time to zoom out and see from a different perspective than her own. Not every reaction someone has is a personal attack on you. Realistically, it's more likely they are responding to their assumptions, their experiences and the general story they have about themselves.

It's important to recognize that everyone is carrying a load we can't always see. Sometimes you might be creating a reality that doesn't exist. It's natural for your brain to fill in the gaps of information. Sadly, the brain doesn't always create an accurate picture of the situation and it's hardwired to react to what may appear to be a threat. That means that so-called truth is actually a misfiring and an unfounded narrative. Sure, there may be some elements that wind up being true. Side note our brains like those confirmations. We have a bias toward confirming our beliefs and we're likely to rationalize or set aside those truths that are in conflict with our assumed narrative, especially when our assumed narrative is what we actually want to be true.

When you develop that ability to step outside your experience, it doesn't just change how you see others, it changes how you see yourself. You start catching your own patterns. You stop being ruled by fear and start asking deeper questions like what do I actually want or whose expectations am I living up to, and do they even match who I really am? Toby talked a lot about her fear and we all feel it Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of disappointing people. But grounding yourself helps you absorb the fear without letting it run the show. You can see it, wave at it, appreciate the insight and move forward consciously.

After her life fell apart, toby didn't chase a five-year plan. She followed her gut. She said yes to opportunities that felt aligned, not safe, not easy, but authentic. She started a business, sold it, became a coach and, through it all, she stayed committed to growing, learning and showing up as her real self. Here's my skill builder challenge, should you choose to accept it. Consider one thing in your life that doesn't feel in balance or that you have been avoiding. Outline the facts about the disconnect and revisit whether they are demonstrable facts or are they just beliefs. Shift the lens on each belief that shines through. Get curious when else does that belief inhibit you? Let me know what you discover through this challenge by sending a message on LinkedIn or using the link in the show notes. Thanks for listening. If you found this episode helpful, share it with someone who could benefit from it. Until next time, I'm Becky Fraser, reminding you to integrate who you are with how you lead. Okay, bye.