Speaker 1: 0:01

In my last episode, I had a great conversation with Shannon King about her decision to leave an organization once she realized a series of promises that they had made would not be fulfilled. These moments of disappointment are opportunities to learn about ourselves as individuals and as leaders of others. Taking a minute to do the Monday morning quarterbacking yeah, that's fine. Then think about how to improve the next time. Hi, I'm Becky. Welcome to Short Story Long. In this podcast, we discuss ways you can integrate who you are into how you lead. Today, I am offering strategies for building your skills as a leader. Let's break down what's important as you navigate through the disappointments and broken trust that can happen at work. Talking to Shannon was a reminder that leadership isn't about a title, a promise made to you or the number of hours you grind away, promise made to you or the number of hours you grind away. It's about how you show up, how you adapt and how you hold yourself steady when things shift. That's leadership of yourself.

Speaker 1: 1:14

So often we fall into traps thinking that more effort automatically means advancement, staying quiet when promises are broken or letting our worth be defined by an organization that may or may not see us. Clearly. The truth is, balance isn't a one-time achievement. Life keeps moving and we have to keep adjusting. Trust can't survive without action and transparency. Value is protected by the boundaries we set, not by how much of ourselves we give away and our self-worth. That's the anchor. When we know our worth, we make clear decisions, we say no when it matters and we model something for healthier teams. Shannon spoke of it as if your bandwidth is 40 hours a week and you work eight hours and you're very effective at the things that you do. That's all you have to do to grow. When you do more, it doesn't guarantee you more. It doesn't guarantee you a promotion. These are critical things to remember, but they're not just nice to have reminders. They would sustain us as leaders, they keep us grounded, they build that trust and they allow us to lead in a way that well people actually want to follow. Our discussion also touched on what is expected of organizational leaders in times of change. And isn't it always changing? It always changing. Sometimes, communication about changes has limits in terms of the who hears what and when.

Speaker 1: 2:49

When I was partnering on restructures as an HR professional, I worked with leaders as they strive to retain top talent without promising those things that they weren't actually going to be able to deliver, whether you are the affected employee or the leader of that employee during change. Today I want to be sharing some thoughts about how to navigate this successfully. As I said to Shannon, growth can be. How can I figure out a way to make this even more efficient so that I have time to do this? More interesting, next level up of something. More interesting, next level up of something.

Speaker 1: 3:23

It's not adding width, it's adding depth. As you lead yourself and possibly lead others, you can maintain agency over how you balance your life and work in building trusting relationships, how you set and hold boundaries and recognizing and owning your value. A big part of that is that idea of balance and what that really means. Shannon and I acknowledge that the idea of work-life balance is complicated, because that balance is not one and done. You don't find it and it stays balanced. Instead, we all keep on having to shift and adapt. That matters because leaders need to model and support that adaptive balance. So if you have employees within your organization who are looking to you, you have to show that prioritization changes over time and that flexibility is a leadership strength, not a weakness. Leaders must own their balance, but they also need to be supporting that balance of their employees.

Speaker 1: 4:30

Shannon wasn't getting that. She and I were talking about how you can't count on someone else to set what looks like a balance for you. She was actually designing what that balance was and not leaving it to someone else to decide for her. Other people deciding for her was certainly not going to get to where she wanted to go and in fact in this instance, in this organization, where it would have gotten. Her was a lateral move when she had been promised upward mobility. Her was a lateral move when she had been promised upward mobility. Empowerment starts with self leadership. By owning that balance you can model the autonomy and the resilience for your teams. Shannon's balance shifted when she had a child.

Speaker 1: 5:19

I've had family members be terribly ill. Perhaps you've had these experiences too. They affect your time and energy for work. Sometimes the pressure of a move, a divorce, a marriage or whatever it is it comes in. Some will say you leave that at the door. I call a little bit of BS on that. Life and work overlap because, oh, that's right, we're not robots. Leaders must actively adapt, reflect and recalibrate those priorities. Those are inside the organization and outside the organization and you also need to be able to model for your team that flexibility and recovery are strengths. Recovery are strengths. In order to embrace this as a strength, leaders need to build trust. That trust requires action and transparency.

Speaker 1: 6:17

Shannon was getting a lot of promises made to her that didn't necessarily work out the way that they were promised to her. Broken promises are one of the fastest ways to lose employee loyalty. Leaders must follow through on commitments or communicate transparently when those circumstances change. Shannon described that communication as not being open and not being honest. She felt a little bit like they were dragging her along because she was important to the team and maybe that feels really familiar to you. You're valuable to the team. You keep getting those promises. They don't get delivered and you stop believing, you stop trusting that you are actually important to the team and even when you stay, your heart becomes less and less committed to the outcomes and the goals. You may still show up for work, you may still want to do your best work, but the fact is there's a bit of a poison pill that's been put in there those promises without delivery.

Speaker 1: 7:20

That's a problem Leaders. When they're communicating openly and follow through, they avoid tolerating the silence in the face of a broken commitment. Loyalty should be mutual and not blind. The leader can share what they're able to share. They can communicate it in terms of these are the potential paths that I see going forward. But the organization drives timing and direction, not the individuals. And so when we're having these conversations, they are hypothetical until they become real. And when you, as a leader, are making promises, they're not really promises that you can make because you don't own the full process to move someone toward that. And as you're an employee and you're hearing these promises being made to you, my skeptics out there use your skepticism here.

Speaker 1: 8:17

Recognize the possibility that this isn't going to go your way, because what other people are saying about you, what other people are promoting you to do that isn't the only measure of your worth. That is not the only measure of your value to the organization. Shannon's comment was I understand my value, my discernment and knowing what my worth is really showcased in that decision, and that decision was her saying nope, I'm not applying for that other role because it's lateral and I think I can bring more value than what that position would bring. And it was a tough choice for her. There's no question about that. But when you know your worth, you know when it's okay to say yeah, you know what. That's just not for me. You are less likely to accept any kind of unfair treatment, whether it's intentional or unintentional. Someone doesn't have to be out to get you in order to set you up in a place that you might end up failing or end up being disappointed, and it's an opportunity for you to ask for those healthy support systems and not the toxic ones that are empty promises in a bottomless pit. It matters when you honor your worth. Because you are able to ask for the clarity of expectations and alignment with your values, you're able to fuel better choices and participate in more resilient teams. Shannon said she's not shy about having those open conversations. She talks about being very direct about what she wants and when she comes back and says, hey, right, so that's not what we talked about, it was okay for her to do that.

Speaker 1: 10:09

Some of the people listening to this podcast, they're like you know what? Actually, I'm a little bit shy about having those conversations. That may not be as easy for you. You may not have to go into it as a hey, why did you lie to me? It doesn't need to be phrased that way. Right it can be.

Speaker 1: 10:27

My understanding of our agreement was that we were heading in this direction and, by the way, that might be about a promotion, that might be about a pay change, that may be about a new project and it may also include I'm on this existing project and it may also include I'm on this existing project and you told me to go right. Now you're asking me why I didn't go left. And so, setting that clarity, having those expectations, knowing your value to the work that you're doing and understanding your worth, that is contributing to what you will be doing in the future. So the question might be out there why does this get so messed up? Why can't we just talk like humans, understand each other and just get this done?

Speaker 1: 11:16

Well, one of the key aspects of that is that sometimes we confuse effort with advancement. We believe that working longer hours or taking on more tasks guarantees that promotion. Eh, no right, whether you are the employee seeking that promotion or the leader working to give one. So often the conversation is I've been doing all this work for all this time and I deserve a promotion. That didn't work, for Shannon did it. She went above and beyond, but it didn't lead to that promised leadership role. This reminds me of when I had a conversation with Aaron Wilkerson, who was also anticipating a promotion that just wasn't coming, and the recognition that he had that I don't need to just be a better coder or better at assigning the tasks. I actually have to shift my mindset, shift my perspective in order to understand my new audience and the new expectations of that higher level role.

Speaker 1: 12:16

When I talk about organizational design and I still do as a coach on a regular basis, that did not leave me when I left the HR function I talk about creating the boxes of the organizational chart first and then identifying the people who get put into those boxes. This is why the organization drives who goes into what roles, because it's not built most constructively based on. This is who I have and this is what they want, and leverage that as much as they possibly can, but they can't break the structure for the desires for development of an individual, because the organization is about the whole. Leaders must learn that advancement comes from that visibility, that impact and negotiation, not sheer workload. Would you put it on your resume that you added 20 hours a week doing administrative tasks that other people didn't bother to do? Please? I hope not.

Speaker 1: 13:29

You talk about presenting to leaders tangible changes to process revenue or people changes. Why would you talk about anything else when you are discussing what is necessary for a promotion, when you stay silent, that is when the promises are most likely to be broken. When you're not talking about this is the development that I want. Your leaders don't know. And leaders, organizational leaders if you're not talking to your team members about what they're looking for and what their growth and development goals are, it's probably a really great time to start, because if they can't find development in your team, within your organization, eventually it's likely that they'll go somewhere else, and one of the things that happens when there's no communication is that everyone starts to accept unclear or shifting expectations without asking for clarity.

Speaker 1: 14:30

Look, this is hard. As a leader, you can't describe every last thing that is expected for a person to grow or get promoted. So, as a leader, don't be making promises that you cannot guarantee that you can deliver. Sounds easy, but it's so tempting to be nice and tell them how much you appreciate them and what you want to do for them. It's nice, but it's not kind. Thanks for the appreciation. Yes, yay, leaders appreciate your people. No thanks for promises that employees count on and you ultimately don't have the authority to keep. The disillusionment is real, and Shannon isn't the only one to have experienced this. She was promised leadership development, but the communication was vague and inconsistent and ultimately failed to deliver. Inconsistent and ultimately failed to deliver.

Speaker 1: 15:26

As a professional, you risk being overlooked if you don't advocate for yourself or demand transparency. As a leader, as an organizational leader, you need to be advocating upward, for your people and embrace it. When your team members are advocating for themselves, keep it real, which is being kind instead of nice and telling them what they want to hear. One of the big challenges that we sometimes have in having these conversations is that there is this singular focus. Well, actually I guess it's dual, because what comes with the job title is the compensation, but really it's the self-worth that we design based upon a job title, and I'm here to tell you this is an entire episode all on itself. I could rant about this for solidly a half an hour. You are not your title. In most organizations, your title does not equate to your influence and impact in your role. Yes, sometimes people get a little snooty about these things, but most of the time, people don't even know your title. They know when they see you. That's that visibility. They know what you see and do. That's that impact. And they know how you interact with others. That's that influence. Hey, here's something. None of that is your title.

Speaker 1: 16:42

Shannon described questioning if she was as good as she thought she was when she wasn't promoted. Her identity at that point in time was tied to that job title. She worked through it and realized why yes, I am as good as I thought I was. She was separating her worth from her title. She started to define her value in different ways, including her life priorities and values.

Speaker 1: 17:11

Leaders need internal validation so external disappointments don't destabilize their confidence. They need that in their employees. They need that in themselves. Growing confidence and knowing your worth can be challenging for anyone. Those who look like they have it all may very well be quaking on the inside. Don't let that cover fool you. All this to say, the biggest pitfall is surrendering your agency, letting the company dictate your value, growth or balance. Agency. Letting the company dictate your value, growth or balance. The leaders who thrive are those who step back, define what matters most and make those intentional choices from that center.

Speaker 1: 17:53

A leader who focuses on doing all the things often falls into what I'd call the breath trap, and that breath trap is really mistaking breadth of activity and busyness for growth. When you're trying to cover every task, you spread yourselves wide but shallow. You become the go-to person for execution but not the thought leader for strategy. Why do we do that? It happens when we believe value is proven by the volume of work, when we fear being seen as not pulling our weight, or because we were conditioned from an early career environment that rewarded busyness. You might recall Shannon talking about. I'm a millennial and one of the first messages that I heard was they're lazy, they don't want to work and they think they should be promoted right away. By the way, just to put my little line in the sand, I don't think that's true. Shannon didn't think that was true and she wanted to demonstrate that that wasn't true. The trap became I'm going to stay busy and show you all of the work that I'm doing and that didn't elevate into that thought leadership.

Speaker 1: 19:06

The cost is that visibility within the organization. You're so busy doing the small tasks that no one gets to see the impactful ones. You lose out on some of the credibility Without that depth. Those who are around you struggle to identify what is the niche or the unique insight that you are bringing to the organization. And the other thing is very personal to you it's your energy. It is exhausting to do the constant multitasking and that can lead to burnout and that leaves very little bandwidth for creating anything new or participating in any of that strategic thinking, because you're so buried in the weeds you don't even notice that there are trees that are growing around you.

Speaker 1: 19:54

When you, as an organizational leader, are focused on all the little things and really doing the wide but shallow, you are doing the work of your team and robbing them of opportunities. The team doesn't learn ownership because you've been absorbing it all. Innovation stalls because it's only your brain contributing and you're not gathering the ideas from everyone else who's around you. And the growth opportunities for you shrink because if you're taken out of that role, who's going to do all that work that you've been doing? They can't promote you because who will do the work you do today?

Speaker 1: 20:32

Leadership growth comes from depth. Instead of proving capacity by handling more, you have an opportunity to grow by asking what's an area I can master that can create the most impact? Where can I add insight and direction that no one else can. They don't have that perspective. They don't have that knowledge. How can I empower others to take ownership of the rest of the things that I'm doing and create that momentum and create that motivation for other people to learn the things that you have already learned? A leader stuck in all the things risks becoming indispensable in the wrong way, as the doer and not the developer. True growth comes from stepping back, focusing on your depth of expertise and elevating others to share the load. So here's your skill builder challenge, if you choose to accept it. As I've said, it's easy to confuse doing more with growing.

Speaker 1: 21:34

You can have the discussions where you notice the difference between breadth mode, where you're spreading yourself across the tasks, versus depth mode, which is that building expertise, strategy and impact. The first step in that is spot where you're. In breadth mode. What are the tasks that you're doing to take on just to prove that you're pulling weight? Where are you the go-to person for execution, even when others could be stepping in, and which activities are draining your energy and don't build your expertise? Once you have a list of those things, aim for two or three.

Speaker 1: 22:12

Define what depth would look like for you. Think about what specific expertise you want to be known for. And if you're a leader of people, ask the employees what they want to be known for. And and if you're a leader of people, ask the employees what they want to be known for and factor that into your planning. Which skills or knowledge would show you or your employee as a trusted expert instead of a reliable doer? And one more question might be what could be mastered that would have the biggest impact on the organization or customers of your organization? And then start to do that shift from doing to developing. For the breadth examples you listed ask can I delegate it? Can I streamline it? Can I replace it?

Speaker 1: 22:59

The real challenge is to identify one action to take this week to move out of breadth and into depth. Instead of asking how much did I get done, ask yourself how much did I grow my expertise and empower others this week? I really want to know how things go as you take on this challenge, as you shift from celebrating that breadth of what you can do to embracing true expertise, whether in a technical area or people leadership capacity. It gives you more focus, more clarity and often higher engagement. Here's the truth Leadership isn't about doing all the things.

Speaker 1: 23:41

It's about doing the right things with depth, clarity and purpose. Set your boundaries, own your worth and choose growth that lasts. When you stop proving yourself with busyness and start leading with focus, you don't just grow, you elevate everyone around you. As you reflect on Shannon's story, remember that leadership isn't defined by how many tasks you juggle, but by how deeply you grow into your strengths. When you choose clarity over confusion, honesty over promises and balance over burnout, you show others what authentic leadership looks like. Take a breath this week. Ask yourself where you can step out of breadth and into depth. That's where lasting impact begins. Thanks for listening. If you found this episode helpful, share it with someone who could benefit from it. Until next time, I'm Becky Fraser, reminding you to integrate who you are with how you lead. Okay, bye.